Gambit of Questions

As I collect information and work on surveys, I was confronted with the specter of sensitivity and how to proceed with something I had so many times in the past been reluctant to participate in. How do you ask questions without asking that one that may offend someone? It is a delicate balance.

I sent out surveys and additional questionnaires, of which I have received some replies, and sorting through the responses has shed some light. Although I have not finished with my interviews I am two steps closer to being done with those. My surveys are done and all I need to do is shift through them at the right time. I must admit that some of the anonymous answers have given me pause.

I know what I am trying to do, but will it become what I want it to? Will I be able to construct a paper that will positively portray those who have disabilities and will it be constructive enough? I worry about that because it is the image I have always tried to portray, myself, and struggle to rise above what others may perceive disabled people of being capable.

But this is the problem. In trying to portray myself as able and normal I have over the years hurt my body in ways I never imagined I could. In our move to our apartment in Olympia I once lifted a television that was far too heavy for me. In the process I blew out my right cornea. Pride had gotten the best of me and I was trying too hard to not let others help. That is a feeling I dislike most - the helplessness at what I have been handed down.

It reminds of those things I cannot do for a lack of full-strength in my hands or arms, or the fact they become too fatigued after a very short period of time of use. It constantly reminds me of what I used to do, like writing, and the simple joys of doing them. But my case is so much different than others and I have often sat and wondered what the quality of life is like for others who have worse conditions. How do they deal with it?

These are just a few of the things I have been thinking about lately. Interesting how deep we can bury something inside, only to have it brought up at the slightest insecurity.